That time again

This time of year approaches again, the cringeworthy thoughts start to pop up in my head, I know I'll be solitary again this Christmas without The Dearest One by my side.
This year's Christmas gonna be so much different from what I got use to. It's so sad that what is suppose to be the merriest time of year always bring me down like nothing else in the world. This year was so difficult for me, so much has happened, so many good and uplifting things as well as some real, heartbreaking tragedies involving hurting some really kind people and having to live with it. This year after Christmas Supper at my sister's I'll be heading home to contemplate the silent sorrow in empty flat, visiting church at midnight followed by probably getting drunk in the company of just myself. How exciting is that? How can I be merry ? This year I realized how distant are the members of my family from one another, how we walk pass one another day after day, how indifferent we are toward one another, this too is so sad...but I guess it's always like that when faced "the model", you suddenly realize how cripple and pathetic the reality surrounding you is. My mind is filled with thoughts, most of them grim and obscured by sadness. How happy I am that somewhere there, there is a lady who cares and to whom I am not just a figure passing by, a lady who has just phoned me putting smile on my face and warmth in my heart. More to come...